Really good article about navigating anti-black racism, dating and sexuality as a desi, Indian woman.
me, on race, sex, respectability politics, and more. yup, calling this shit out.
“Women of color were mostly unseen as partner options. And if we landed in the purview somehow, it was, at best, to be mentioned as perhaps pretty and then quickly dismissed (you know, the “Wow, you’re pretty for an Indian girl” line) or, at worst, to be ridiculed for our ugliness. This may sound extreme, but it’s the reality I lived. I undoubtedly stood out in this context – ashy knees in the winter, unruly mane of thick, black hair in a sea of pale midriffs and near-ubiquitous gold or platinum highlights – but I was also invisible. And that external gaze is powerful: the invisibility desexualized me.”
check it out and, if you like, let me know what you think. i believe it’s the beginning of providing some insight into how and why i’ve come to care about some of the more serious issues on this blog, despite the fact that i mostly try to present them lightly and with some measure of humor. this piece was difficult for me, as you might imagine, and yet i feel it’s incredibly necessary to break the silence on these topics. theoretical frameworks around racism, aesthetics, sexual shaming, etc. mean nothing when we don’t relate them to our personal painful experiences. not sure if it’s clear, but the anecdotes from this story hurt me. i’ve been told that i write in a way that gives the idea that i am impenetrable, that nothing is too private or scary or sad to discuss. well here is a peek into some of those things. i’ve come very far over the years, but yeah, this was hard. thanks for the love all.